There have perhaps never been two concepts so completely misunderstood as the two named LOVE and SEX. The first has been misunderstood because it does not exist as it is conceived in the minds of most women and in the minds of men it has the sound of Shakespeare’s fury, signifying nothing after the responsibility and obligations are set in place.
It is interesting that quite the reverse is the case of SEX, for as men conceive of it there is no existence and women see it as the sound and fury which once more eventually disappear in nothing.
Since love in Samsara, as delusion, is of no consequence until one appears not to have it, the critical issue here is SEX. But in True Dharma sex cannot be divorced from relationships.
So what do we know about relationships?
Theoretically, at least, one apparent person then can freely develop many different IDENTITY FREE INTERACTIONS, and one INTERACTION will never conflict with or damage another INTERACTION, as long as there is WISDOM present.
What then is NATURAL and CORRECT?
While a relationship socially is a promise to limit one’s INTERACTIONS exclusively to one person, whether it is by actual social pressure, educational conditioning or fear, it is under any of those conditions not a free response.
However, socially admitted sexual interaction outside a relationship frees one considerably from that bondage. It is clear then that the discovery of a NATURAL UNITY between persons suggests that more than two people may come together in an INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP.
Is this a CORRECT and NATURAL situation?
That UNITY may be expressed in different ways, because the nature of the discovered POTENTIAL UNITY may be different. That is true, but this concept of a MULTIPLE UNION is at odds with those of most religious and social concepts, which limit intimate relationships and behavior to protect society and its individual members from their own confusion, greed, and hostility.
A NATURAL and CORRECT person does not need to be protected from himself. This is not sufficient reason to limit INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS to a single pair if it is not NATURAL and CORRECT. But in a stained society in which confusion, greed, and aversion are dominant, free relationships do not work. So hand and glove there are sexual links and affinity links.
The problem arises however when sexual relations are used as a conscious or unconscious trap to engender a relationship. That would be bad enough, but when that relationship is signed, sealed and delivered into the hands of law then we have serious problems.
The concept of attraction in courtship has sexual connotations in other animals, but the sexual attraction in human creatures has gone far beyond the natural and has become paranoid in great measure, leading to possession, dominance, jealousy, doubt and gender differences have been exaggerated in the mind and made artificially closer by the law.
So let us examine the various problems which arise from this unfortunate mixture and what Blind Dharma solutions are available.
PROBLEMS ARISING WITHOUT A TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIP
1. The situation in which the sexual impulse is a controlling factor, but there is no corresponding impulse for a lasting relationship with the possible partner and that is desired by you.
2. The problem which arises when a purely sexual relationship has been converted on the part of one of the partners into the force of a relationship.
3. The situation of multiple sexual attractions with only one relationship possible.
4. The situation in which there is a continual irrational sexual impulse in multiple directions but really little probability that it will be reciprocated.
PROBLEMS ARISING WITHIN A TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIP
5. The situation in which a relationship has been bound, but sexual attraction has waned and the wandering eye gazes elsewhere.
6. The situation where sex has become ritual on the part of one or both in a relationship. As a consequence, on the part of one partner there is a wish to separate but the social bonds are strong and responsibility tugs at consciousness.
The most foolish Blind Dharma answer to all these problems is to do nothing.
To sit on the fence until it all sorts itself out, hoping for a miracle.
You may be lucky, but you know what will happen is that you will have conditioned your on folly-filled behavior and will always use sitting on the fence as a solution.
The only real solution is to be absolutely truthful with kindness. If you had started that way you probably would not be in the mess you find yourself embroiled in.
The impulse to engage in a sexual union is perfectly natural and Dharma certainly does not condemn that. The problem is that good old Mara has got hold of the human mind and converted natural sexual union in a double-edged sword, one edge of which cuts your natural impulses away and the other cuts away natural restraint of a knowing mind.
Well done.
So we know that the mind has gone astray on this matter and really the search for sexual union which is lurking there ready to explode is nothing more than a expression like graffiti on a wall.
It says, “Look, I exist.”
Well, who exists if you were really to look in a mirror is a rather weak person who can only find happiness by playing a game of orgasms. It is inflated of course with... the clouds of mental "love". What a crock of nonsense.
The truth is that your mind is falsely excited by conditioning and ego that it connects with the sex organs...
What do you really gain? Nothing.
Alright, you know that you are in a mess, so what Blind Dharma solutions are possible, apart from sitting on that fence?