BECOMING YOUR OWN TEACHER

BELL OUT OF ORDER - PLEASE KNOCK

Don't make the great mistake of becoming your own teacher.

 It is said: a lawyer who defends himself  has a fool for a client.

   The same can be said of one who is his own Master.

              The stained self cannot teach the way to liberation.

Now it is difficult to believe that you cannot be your own teacher, when so much has been written. It would seem that with an intelligent mind it is possible, for all appears to be quite clear. All one has to do, it seems, is look deeply inside and with sensitivity all will be revealed. But there is one great problem. Who is it that is to look inside?

It is a romantic idea, is it not, that one's own sensitivity can lead the way and there are tales written that seduce the intelligent mind so that the idea arises that the road can be travelled with diligence. Buddha left no heir, and furthermore said that the Dharma was to be one's Master. That makes it easy, doesn't it? But the human mind, particularly the intelligent, is easily deceived. For where are you going to find the true Dharma? In books? That gets tricky, for the human brain can devise many detours and there is a great temptation to gather different ideas inside and outside Buddha Dharma like mushrooms. But beware, it just requires one poisoned mushroom to taint the dish.

The idea of a Master is repulsive, for it gives the impression that one is a sort of victim, but the Master is just really a good friend and a guide, no more. You still have to do the hard part.

Inside somewhere you may know this to be the truth, but there are some, swollen with success and the gift of the tongue, who cannot see and really there is little that will penetrate their inflated sense of self-mastership. So I must here apply the stick with compassion and the hope, probably a vain hope, that perhaps one of the deluded may come out of the cloud of personal transcendental masturbation and renew the task with true humility and diligence.

But if you are one who is only partly seduced with the idea of being your own master, consider carefully before auto-immune mindlessness takes over.

Long ago as a child I picked up a seashell on the beach and my father said "Put it you your ear." I heard a sound. What a surprise. What was it?........ Really, I didn't know........ My father said it was the sound of the sea and it was only then I heard it was indeed the sound of the sea. But I was fooled. It wasn't the sea at all. It was the pulsing sound of my own bloodstream.... I had deceived myself.

Now that's very interesting. That's not too different from the discovery of Dorothy and her seeking friends that that great whatever-the-hell-it-was, was not really the Wizard of Oz. Really, he was a dwarfish little runt with an imposing little moustache and a weak and tepid voice that used speakers to appear great and mighty.

When I thought of the Dharma and I listened to my own voice I knew that it was another illusion, a weak and tepid voice, and there's no big wizard there, and there's no big grandiose sea giving me a message. I knew then that I was not fool enough to believe I could be my own master.

I had to find the Dharma first and then open the internal doors. The problem was, and is now for you, to find someone who really knows that Dharma through direct experiences. Then listen. All he is going to do is point the way where he has travelled. You don't follow him, you follow his Dharma. Sure there is a risk, but the risk is far greater if you seduce yourself into thinking you can do it alone.

So what's wrong with what you're doing if you become your own master? You're pulling the wool of words over your own eyes, playing at being defendant and judge at the same time. But who are you defending? And from whom?

You are defending your own sense of who you are. You know that your life as you are leading it is worthless, deep down inside. You don't want to feel worthless, you want a place in the sun, so you kick up a storm of arguments and justifications laced with pretty pre-packaged quotes of ancient wisdom.

The wisdom of the ancients says that there is a true virtuous self inside and you begin to cling to that fact. You want it to come out, and like Freddy Mercury sings, and this is the big problem, "I want it all, and I want it now."

What is the "all" you want? If you're intelligent and see the world is a mess, you want to stop the world and get off, but on the other hand, you don't really want to get off, so what do you do? You put one foot into the transcendental and keep the other firmly planted in Samsara. And that can cause problems. So what do you do? You listen to the ocean in the shell and say it's the real ocean. You listen to the idea that there's a good clear and virtuous self inside and tell yourself that there's really what's there in the open. My friend, who the hell do you think you're deceiving?

Now you begin to deceive yourself, you're in another trap, for as you know, one lie leads to another. It's not that you're conscious of lying, the lies just seem to pile up on you, like a load of shit. And my friend, that's really what it is. You hear all those wonderful words out there and think you've got it, or at least you're on the verge of getting it. And you haven't done a thing. All you've done is pick up a crummy old shell and listen to your own voice.

Ok, you're a success, you can even teach other people, and expose your creative genius, but look in a mirror, who's there? You can see the Wizard of Oz. What a great imposing figure... and the confused come to you: Dorothy wants her home, the tin man wants to love and be loved, the lion wants his courage, and the straw man wants a brain. We can see clearly that the Wizard of Oz will then explain how those subjects who come on their knees to him will have their confusion, acquisitiveness and aversion dissolved.

The Wizard of Oz will feel great. Not only does he profess to be a guide -for his false humility would never allow him to call himself a master- but he is successful within Samsara. He's got one lousy foot in Samsara and the other in Nirvana. My friend, you have both feet firmly planted, but you are a mental cripple. You have become the judge of others and the judge of yourself while professing that that's not at all what you really are. Take a look at that little old man, who is it really? It's you.

Look now at the damage you've done. Precious minutes that others could spend learning from a true guide, teacher, or yes, even a master, have been stolen from them. Not only are you a liar but you are a thief. Not really, of course, because you're well-intetioned.

But are you really well-intentioned? Is inflating your ego to mislead others well-intentioned, even if you are deceving yourself? That's a question you'll have to ask the judge, and hope like hell that you are better as a judge than as a defendant.

Now don't take this personally, because there are thousands like you out there, and don't feel bad if this hurts your sense of uniqueness. Why don't you knock down your sand castles on the beach which you built, pick up the shell, enjoy the sound, knowing that it's an illusion... look at the sea, listen to the sound of the waves on the beach and know, with absolute certainty, that that beautiful sound you heard in the shell is just an imitation and is far less majestic than the true thing that's within your reach and that you, with your god-like stance of self-approval, have set aside.

Quoting all manner of Chan or Dao sayings and regurgitating them from an intelligent mind means nothing at all. There must be a deep understanding within the direct experiences. If not, think well  before you have the arrogance and audacity to open your mouth, for you  infect all things.

If you are within this world with those sayings in your head that has not touched the direct experiences then you have not even placed a toe upon the path. You know nothing and your ignorance is apparent.

Yunmen declared,

"The general run of thieving phonies eat up the spit of other people, memorizing a bunch of trash, a load of garbage, then running off at the mouth like asses.

"Wherever they go, they boast that they can pose questions on five or ten sayings.

"Even if you can pose questions from night till morning, on until the end of time, will you ever dream of seeing?"