BEING IN LOVE AND THE TRUE EXPERIENCE OF AFFECT
The experience of attraction called BEING IN LOVE is a NATURAL EXPERIENCE, but it really has nothing to do with the TRUE LOVE which arises out of a NATURAL and CORRECT INTIMATE INTERACTION.
It is a physiological phenomenon which arises from the evolved primitive system of MATING SELECTION. You will have seen in all animals the need to select an adequate partner. Each seeks automatically the best mate that it can which theoretically will guarantee the future offspring the best chance of survival. Each species has its own particular valued traits and each demonstrates those traits before their prospective candidates for PROCREATIVE UNION.
The human creature is no different. In humans, each MALE responds to the FEMININITY and BEAUTY of the FEMALE, as his society sees it. Each FEMALE responds to the handsomeness, strength, and MALENESS of the MALE, also as her society sees it. Almost without exception, the EXPERIENCE of BEING IN LOVE is accompanied in the human species with great IDENTITY ATTACHMENT and extensive DEMANDS and EXPECTATIONS. Thus BEING IN LOVE, no matter how exciting it may be, is fraught with SUFFERING.
Now this was all very well thousands of years ago, it might even have been a useful phenomenon for the advancement of the human race, but mankind has the present potential to use a greater capacity to integrate itself with all of nature with HARMONY and BALANCE. What was a useful quality among cavemen is not a very useful quality today. The astute woman looks for greater qualities in her prospective male partner, the astute man for greater qualities in his female partner. What both actually require is a MATCH which will bring HARMONY and BALANCE in the INTERACTION and COMMON GROWTH for themselves and offspring. In fact, a UNITY.
Unfortunately, mankind has advanced rapidly and it has not yet shaken off the bonds of the past, so that BEING IN LOVE as an EXPERIENCE may be very exciting, but has very little real value to the human creature today. This experience is aroused as strongly when one is selected as when one selects, so the excitement of being selected by a socially “magnificent specimen,” in the eyes of the beholder, of course, may lead to intense excitement and the “IN LOVE” experience. Clearly then the IN LOVE EXPERIENCE is a phenomenon of man and woman’s past, which should be set aside in favor of the greater natural experience which has evolved as a potential.
Nonetheless, the human creature is not wise and, as a result, the EXPERIENCE of BEING IN LOVE is a sought-after commodity. Most INTIMATE INTERACTIONS are based on this experience. That is not to say that one cannot experience BEING IN LOVE when making a CORRECT and EFFECTIVE selection. The problem is, however, that the choice dictated by the experience of BEING IN LOVE usually conflicts with the choice based on potential UNITY.
Now the coming together for the ACT of MATING is one thing and the coming together for the act of POTENTIALLY mating and INTERACTING TOGETHER on a more permanent basis are quite distinct. This former which we have discussed, is called FALLING in LOVE, a physiological experience. The more fruitful variety is INTERACTING and experiencing TRUE LOVE.
What exactly is this experience of TRUE LOVE which is so valued by mankind? This is a question that has baffled philosophers for generations. We know that there is BENEVOLENT LOVE and UNIVERSAL LOVE, the LOVE within FRIENDSHIP, and PARENT-CHILD LOVE, but what is the strange experience which occurs between a pair which creates the wish to come together in a more intense PHYSICAL or PSYCHOLOGICAL UNION?
It has two dimensions. The first aspect of the EXPERIENCE of TRUE LOVE is not a feedback signal connected with actual INTERACTIONS. It is connected to the ANTICIPATION of CORRECT HARMONY and BALANCE in FULL PHYSICAL and PSYCHOLOGICAL UNION. It has as its base the old physiological response of MUTUAL ATTRACTION which we have discussed as BEING IN LOVE. Thus, there arises a knowledge of a CORRECT POTENTIAL MATCH which stems from a perception of common CORRECT ATTITUDES towards the process of living and the initiation of CORRECT INTENTIONS towards securing that MATCH. This first response then of LOVE in UNITY is a perception of a potential future CORRECT INTERACTION. Now this sounds very academic, and may appear very cold and subtle as an experience, but the accompanying sensation is far from that. True, it is mild when compared to the apparent blinding force of BEING IN LOVE, but the splendor of that EXPERIENCE when it is consolidated in final CORRECT UNION puts the experience of BEING IN LOVE in the shadow.
The second aspect is actually the signal of the HARMONY and BALANCE which is actually achieved within the CORRECT and NATURAL INTIMATE INTERACTIONS when they begin to be realized. In this case, LOVE signals the true INTERACTION of UNITY without fear or any other impediment generated by the IDENTITIES.