2. SHELTER ISLAND

On returning from California we gave up our respective apartments and looked for a place to move. Ninette loved the remoteness and seclusion of Shelter Island, which she had enjoyed so often as friends of hers lived there. They were twin brothers, Enzo and Germano, and their partners Trudy and Susan.

Enzo and Germano were artists and sold in New York quite successfully and Ninette was entranced by their delightful fairyland little house in which all the furniture was painted white with accents of yellow.

Like true friends they welcomed us and in this very exclusive community of executives in business and others of like standing they found us a place that was right for our rather limited budget.

It was a small attic in the house of a nearby resident who rented it to us. We entered not through their house but by means of a long ladder through the loft door.

We looked for work, not as psychologist and teacher, and decided that cleaning houses for the rich was a good idea. In no time at all we had clients.

I regret that I enter the picture when recounting her life and lessons, but we were together almost all our lives and were separate only for moments each day. If I recount her secrets and flaws it is for the benefit of others who may identify with human frailty and suffering and surmount all as she has done.

She loved our little attic and decorated it with sea-carved wood, and stones and of course our books. Then arose one of the inner phantoms. She wanted no one to know of this hideaway. It was not that she was afraid of their condemnation, she did not want to share it with anyone, even her friends from New York.

It was, you see, that she had for the first time a possession that was all her own, not shaped and controlled. It was not her ex-husband's architecturally perfect home in which she was part of the decoration, but a home tailored to her inner dream of independence.

So we talked as we walked on the beaches and decided to abandon the normal world where possessions ruled people. It took an act of strength on her part to give up that security and even greater courage to accept my plan.

It was to see if we could buy a small boat and eventually sail to Colombia, visit the primitive tribes and then eventually sail on to the Galapagos. My father, a fisherman, had always planned to cross the Atlantic in a wooden barrel. The trip would be my link and homage to him.

I don't know if you can imagine the strength it took to abandon possessions completely; to abandon a future that had been laid out before her and to launch herself into a project that was beyond most women and many men.

Sometimes the fates smile, sometimes they frown. Here they smiled, for our landlord's son had a boat that he wanted to sell. It was an old wooden sailboat built in 1957.

We got enough together to buy it and then began to put it in shape. It was an A.R. True Rocket, a 23-foot fin keel sloop with a beam of nine feet.

This is a True Rocket like ours and you can imagine the disbelief that Ninette encountered when she told of our plan. She entered the plan with the spirit of her Jewish ancestors and we began the task of restoring the sloop, buying and re-making sets of sails, the navigating equipment and all the jungle clothes, machetes, and even snake bite remedies that we might need.

To accomplish this we required income, so we took another revolutionary step.

Next door to our loft home was a large barn. We decided to open a restaurant. It was quite large so the only heating possible was a wooden stove, which we placed in the center with a dozen tables set around it. Money was scarce so it was all pretty primitive. The dishes were antique, the floor and roof were wooden planked and we could only afford an ordinary stove with four burners and an oven like one finds in any kitchen.

We continued working to get the boat restored and the restaurant started. We worked for the mayor, I  as maître and Ninette as cook. We worked banquets for many, including Exxon executives on the island, and in truth, apart from the ridiculous ceremony, managed to interact with our employers at a unique level, for the exotic beauty and clear cultural background of Ninette and my learning made our employers extend themselves almost as colleagues and most of their guests ended up gathering in our kitchen, which actually delighted our hosts. We were in great demand.

Can you imagine a Jewish Princess in such a position? Can you imagine the lesson in humility that must be learned? Can you imagine how she learned to enjoy playing the part she was called upon to play as if it were theater?

Ninette learned yet another lesson here. It rested upon another old adage about greatness, which "only great doth seem to little minds, who do it so esteem".  She was ready to walk with dignity then among beggars and kings.

It isn't a matter, you see, of simply knowing this intellectually; it is the act of internalizing this much deeper so that it becomes a part of you. Ninette had begun that process of great Dharma humility.

We started the restaurant with a specific philosophy. Our meals would be presented at the cost to us plus one dollar.  That is correct, we charged just a dollar a meal for our work, I as cook and she as waitress.

We served the most exotic meals possible: swordfish with lemon sauce, chicken with orange sauce, stuffed blowfish and a host of other delicacies and all the coffee that you wished... We also advertised a free soup kitchen and it was no surprise on that island that no one came for the soup.

We had a menu of twenty different breakfasts, which at first on the four burners was chaos. We began at seven and finished at ten and our hosts came as volunteers to wash the dishes and their daughter to help in the serving. We were full all day and there was a line of customers always waiting. It was not for the price, for all our clients without exception paid for the meal and then gave tips to the waitresses that were enormous -ten or fifteen dollars.

It was an unheard-of experiment and Ninette, like a determined trooper, accepted the toil with aplomb. We even went to the extent of making some wealthy families share tables and relax. It was our livelihood and a great unrepeatable social experiment. We actually under those conditions made sufficient for our voyage. Nevertheless many a pancake in the kitchen ended up wrapped around pipes in the roof. Many a tale can be told here of those times. One little tale will give you the idea... All our raw materials had to be bought by us on the mainland and brought by ferry in push carts. The reason was that our car was three years old and the police and authorities decided it was a disgrace to the island, so we had to leave it on the mainland.

So what did Ninette learn here? To laugh and overcome all difficulties, no matter how great they might seem, and to have the courage to face a closed society with new ideas and make them stick. Perhaps it is only possible in the States.

The great lesson for everyone is clearly to not sit in your comfortable nests of tradition... to dream and to make that Samsara dream a reality without fear... One must walk among all with head held high without external fear. This she had learned to do. No difficulty would ever be too great... no task ever impossibe... All fears could be conquered.