1. THE SEDUCTION OF SAMSARA

NINETTE DIANE OBADIA

Ninette Obadia was born in the United States of America, in which the pursuit of happiness is a principle learned quickly. Her parents were Sephardic Jewish. Her father, a successful businessman, was quite orthodox in his ways and her mother more liberal. Without the idea of detracting from the memory of her mother, Violet, it must be said that she dominated Ninette's life and conditioned her according to the traditional idea that she should be well-educated and married to the wealthiest and most handsome Prince available.

Her father, David, a mild and gentle man, planted his trees in Jerusalem and adored Ninette, who was separated from him by Violet's insinuations that David did not really care for her.

It was jsut after her emancipation began that she discovered the truth.

It was far from what one would consider favorable birth circumstances.

When we first met in the University, the New School in New York, she was immersed in the acquisitive life. She had studied French in the Sorbonne in France, was a graduate from Syracuse University specializing in Education, and was at present studying with Anthropology in view.

It was not long after her first true disappointment when she applied for the Peace Corps. A perfect candidate, she was turned down when secretly her parents contacted her references and demanded that they be negative. It was a clear point of departure from the norm. It brought home clearly the fact that her life had been shaped so much that even her clothes were bought with the presence of her mother's control and persuasion.

She was divorced. Not surprising, really, for pressure had directed her to a union that was made in stained Samsara and lasted just long enough for the first leaves to fall from the roses.

I, then not involved with Dharma, was a psychologist studying for a Doctorate with Leon Festinger and had no idea what Buddhism, Chan or Dharma was, nor had we in truth the slightest interest. The day we met was my birthday, April 11, and we went out from the New School on a date. I gave her a small copper cow bell and she gave me a pebble she had treasured from the beach of Shelter island. A simple start, but a memorable one.

From that moment silently the Dharma called.

I remember the first time she took me to see her father, for, as I was not a Jew, although an admirer of that culture, the outcome was not clear. We slept there that night, separately, respecting David's morality, I beneath the vigil of a metre-high china brown and white greyhound. The next day David and I talked about the Kabbalah and the existence and image of God and he mellowed to Ninette's delight and rewarded my presence with two books on the Kabbalah that I cherish. We left then with David to visit a Rabbi that he knew. He cautiously went down in the next elevator, in fear that he should be seen with his daughter with a bearded gentile.

Her vision of her father had begun to change and she began to question all the old images and ideas that she had always held of him.

For Sherab, one curtain of darkness began to fall.  She decided then that we should visit the eldest brother of the family, Sion, who to her great surprise welcomed me with an open heart and we discussed phiosophical issues after being invited to eat with him. Another veil had fallen as she began to see that beneath the apparent rugged and serious exterior of those she respected there was in many cases quite another person who could rise nobly in a surprising way to circumstances. Her only disappointment with the family was John, another brother, who from the beginning frowned upon our association.

This is a lesson that all can learn.

It is to question one's own ideas of the world. It is to question the panic, the fears and the aversion and, what is more, to view the future as if it were the opportunity to change, not a narrow path which one is forced to follow.

It is not the essential "What?" of Chan, but a what that asks first "What is the truth beyond what my mind has constructed?", and second, "Why was I so mistaken?", and last but not least, "How can I retrieve an open and flexible mind?"

She had already changed in part, for, quite removed from the beautiful girl-woman who found it difficult to associate with the ugly or foolish, or to be seen as apart from the social elevated norm, she accepted to be seen at a ballet in New York, dressed with elegance in a full length white gown, accompanied in the front rows by a long-haired bearded individual wearing blue jeans and an open neck shirt. In truth I felt privileged by her presence.

The Princess had lost her slipper and I, not a Prince, had found it.

This for all is a second important lesson she began to learn. One cannot judge appearances. One must open the oyster to see the pearl. And if you learn to do that with diligence, calm and patience, you may be able to see the pearl that lies within yourself. For Ninette this was a beginning. It was not easy and each layer that family, religion, education and society had set in place had to be stripped away, sometimes with great internal Identity resistance.

But one cannot move on upon a path of natural virtue and dignity without that first step and Ninette, unlike most, floated less in her world of suffering and beauty and placed her first foot within Samsara where all suffering is disguised.

Her mother Violet lived in California, being divorced from David, and since we wanted a short rest from New York, which is a magnificent city if you master it before it masters you, we drove leisurely to California, sleeping in the car whenever we stopped.

She was not with any qualms about our welcome there, because Violet herself had broken many traditional rules and was at the time in love with a true gentleman, a black man, Damon, who adored her. Nevertheless, she saw her mother, although she had changed, as a strong daunting person with whom she now felt ready to meet on equal terms without folding under her subtle pressure.

Violet was gracious as ever, and Ninette reached out to her and saw the suffering that she had not perceived before. Violet had suffered and was still suffering, and curiously she saw that that suffering had been passed on to her and yet at the same time so had Violet's determination. The key then was to be kind.

There is an old adage that she began to understand: "If you understand there is nothing to forgive".

That is a golden lesson that all can learn. Furthermore, you can learn to forgive yourself. There is no such thing as sin. There is only error and with error there must be no culpability or recrimination, only correct responsibility to right a wrong.

In California we met and interacted with Violet's family, and Ninette realized then that she had in a short time emancipated fully from her mother.

In New York she left Ninette Diane Obadia, divorced from the husband she had been persuaded to meld with and left within a year.

She left behind her fear of his reprisals, for after her escape, without great support from her parents, she had even been threatened by his promise of mafioso violence ringing in her head. But the Princess had now dropped her beads and bracelets and entered a different world. She was no longer afraid.

Ninette had begun to learn that there really is nothing to fear except fear itself. It is easy to know that, for the adage makes it clear. But fear cannot be shed lightly, for the tighter one clings to the hope of release from fear the tighter a hold fear has upon you.

It is rather like being suspended from the heavens by a thick cord. Your mind is filled with dread and you try to struggle free. You try to cut the cord with a knife of knowledge, but that does not work. You try to untie the knot but it has been set in place by experts in social captivity. You plead to heaven for the gods to release you, but you are alone.

You look down below to the cool fresh soothing water of lake which lies below. That is where you want to be. You cry out to friends but they are struggling with their own fears in Samsara.

You feel the learned helplessness and begin to cry with self-pity. But who hears? No one at all. You try climbing up the cord to heaven but always slip back. Then you are ready to give up and simply hang there suspended with your own cord of fear.

Then suddenly you look at the cord made up of strings of multiple fears. You try cutting them one by one. That is a useless task, for the fear of the rise of new fears strikes home.

Then suddenly you realize that it is your own mind that has built the fears and just as suddenly you remember the Dharma and know that what the mind as created is empty substance, it is illusion. In that moment the cord simply disappears and you begin to fall slowly with a calm and released mind towards the cool water of truth.

Sure, it is not easy. Ninette made the first small step. You too can make it by an introspection that is set apart from who you believe you are.

A new person returned to New York.